But tonight I'm finally getting round to it. I should be off to bed really, I'm shattered, but I'm always shattered so I can't keep using that as an excuse otherwise I'll never write anything again! So now that both kiddlywinks are settled in bed (both naked as the day they were born because it's so unbelievably hot, October and we're all perspiring under the strain of a tropical climate!). Hence why I'm still up really, I can't sleep in this sticky heat.
I couldn't decide at first what to write my next blog on, but the last 3 weeks have been filled with ups and downs and these really are the things that this blog should be focusing on. One moment things feel like they're really on the up and life is becoming less stressful and easier...and then BAM, all of a sudden I'm stood in a shopping centre holding a screaming toddler over my shoulder and 5 bags of shopping in the other hand whilst chasing my other out of control child towards the busy entrance/exit where surely she would be lost forever in the throng of people (clips of missing people cases flooding my chaotic thought patterns in a second as I hurtled myself, my shopping and my screaming child towards the last known sighting of my first born) only for her to then appear out of nowhere, get right under my feet and trip me up. Down with an embarressing thump came me, the shopping and my screaming child whilst the runaway child did what she does best...ran away!
At times like these the only thing that gives me strength is thinking about getting home to the security of my house and my fenced in garden where the kids can't escape and everything's safe and if they tantrum and shout baby obscenities at me there's no one to feel embarrassed in front of. My children have no sense of social etiquette, and I therefore feel like a failing mother on every hectic outing with them as it is my job to teach them how to behave appropriately in public. Although in fairness they are only 1 and 3 and so I don't think social awareness is top of their priorities at the moment...unlike their mummy's.
 |
| Oh yes it's all fun whilst they're on them, but try gettin them off the blasted things! |
There's been quite afew occasions over the last 3 weeks though where everything felt like it was getting more bearable, and like going out was actually becoming easier with the kids. The outing to Totally Ape, for example, with the Ethan Monster was brilliant! I went and met up with a friend and her 2 children at the stupendously awesome children's soft play centre in Old Colwyn, and we stayed for nearly 5 hours! Ethan was on his best behaviour and played with the other children really well, and I sat and drank numerous cups of coffee (whilst they were still hot for a change) and actually maintained a coherent conversation without having to dash off after my child every 2 minutes. I felt brilliant that day, like everything was getting better. I took my sleepy child home whilst grinning from ear to ear reeling off this small achievement.
 |
| Where me, my friend and my lovely mum sat and chatted at Totally Ape |
 |
| Whilst Ethan played |
 |
| And then conked out when we got home! |
But then other occasions remind me that we're not quite there yet. For example, I organised a buggy walk with afew other mums whilst Megan was in school, so it was just me and Ethan. The walk was lovely and Ethan was very well behaved in the buggy, possibly abit awestruck by the other mums and babies, and I was actually able to have a chat and a laugh with the other mums as we strolled along the promenade towards Rhos-on-Sea. Everything was still calm and relaxed as we entered a little cafe for a sit down and a spot of lunch. However it soon became apparent that Ethan was running low on serenity and was craving some 'running about' time. So before he could work himself into a frenzy I allowed him out of the buggy whilst I ordered our dinner. He proceeded to get under everyone's feet and make numerous infuriating attempts to leave the cafe at which point I had to clamber past everyone to reach the little beggar before he made his get away.
I soon tired of this game and so against his protests I strapped him into a high chair for his dinner. All I can say is what a waste of time, money and food. It all ended up on the floor at which point I gave Ethan 'the look' as opposed to the telling off I would have given him if we were not out in a public setting, but he got the message what with him being a bright boy...and promptly burst into tears, hurt and anguished that mummy was disappointed in him. This then led to me having to cuddle the little monkey whilst making a feeble attempt at eating my own dinner. Luckily I have learnt over the last 3 years that if ever I am eating out with the kids, always order something off the menu that can be eaten with one hand, because no matter how much preparation goes into the eating out experience, inevitably one hand and arm will always be otherwise engaged with entertaining/feeding/restraining a child!
So by the time we had finished our dinner I had the ususal indigestion caused by irritation and tension as I hastily wolfed down my meal, and I had given in to Ethan's demands to be set free, so he was running up and down the cafe with another child yelling 'yaaaay' (his vocabulary is still quite limited, thank goodness!). Part of me was thinking I should go and stop my child from being noisy and dsiturbing the other customers, whilst the other part of me was thinking 'Oh sod it, if I just stare down into my now cold coffee for long enough that old couple whose table leg the kids keep banging into might just disappear'. Unfortunately I'm not the kind of person who is comfortable with allowing my child/childrten to disrupt other people's social outings, so off I went to chase down my noisy, clumsy child with the added bonus of an audience of judgemental strangers.
I knew what would happen before I even stood up so I don't really know why I bothered, but I did and it went abit like this. Ethan spotted the accosting mummy about to spoil his fun, turned and tried to run away as quickly as possible on his little clumsy feet, fell straight onto his face as soon as I reached him and screamed like a cat being set on fire! Anyone turning to take this all in right at this point would have failed to see the lead up to this impending chaos, and instead would just be left with an image of a screaming, anguished and hurt child and a red faced woman stood intently over him with her arms out stretched. It almost makes you want to turn to everyone and shout 'I didn't push him...' Possibly not the best move!
So I scooped him up in a big bear hug instead and promptly left the cafe before matters could get any worse, and off we went, back to the safety of, where else of course, home. Yes home our little haven away from judgemental strangers all with their perfect little lives, straight morals, and flawless parenting skills. Of course I'm very much aware that this is all quite irrational, and that I'm not the only mum to be suffering the torment of being socially inept whilst out with my 2 young children (or even just 1 of them actually!), but when I'm out and in the thick of all the chaos and noise, rational thought isn't anywhere to be found.
What is quite amusing is that I have been telling my husband my woes of how troublesome it can be just getting the weekly shop in with the kids, never mind actually trying to have a day out of some description with them, and whilst I reiterate the frantic tales of stress and frustration to him I can see in his face that he thinks I'm exaggerating. So when we took the kids to Betws-Y-Coed this morning and the hubby suggested a walk I reluctantly agreed. Knowing my children and their typical behaviour on outings such as these I quietly anticipated a highly difficult situation to arise. But off we went, the hubby with a spring in his step at the prospect of a lovely sunny day and a walk with the family, happy in his naivity. 5 minutes into the walk a tantrumming Ethan was being carried back to the car by a fuming daddy whilst mummy hurried a cross legged Megan to the public loo's before she had an accident!
Strangely this pleased me. I think that if the walk would have been a success and the kids were on their best behaviour this would have just reinforced the hubby's belief that I'm having him on every day when he comes home from work and he asks me about my day at which point I huff and complain about how stressful it is being a 'stay at home mum'. At least today he was able to have a glimpse at what kind of a struggle it is to leave the house with the little monkeys. On the way home Jonny (the hubby) quietly asked 'Are they always like that when you go out?' to which I simply responded 'Yes'. And it was almost like a burden had been lifted.
Now when I share my stories of unsuccessful trips to the park or supermarket with Jonny I know he'll really be listening, and more importantly, he'll be believing. Because it really is blummin hard work looking after two children of this age. I've been told it will get easier, and they will become more manageable on outings, and Dear God, I am clinging to the hope that this is true! The truth of the matter is that when you become a parent you lose your pride, your dignity, and absolutely every single ounce of street cred you may have once had. And just when you start thinking to yourself 'My word this is all abit much', your child looks up at you with their big beautiful eyes and grins all cheeky, or turns their head to one side and say 'Mummy' in a voice that makes your heart melt. And then everything stops and nothing else even exists apart the room your in and the child in front of you, and there's nowhere else in the world you want to be anyway, so who cares if you can't leave the house anymore after all!
 | |
| Like butter wouldn't melt.. |
 |
| Tantrum? Me? Never. |
